MAMA ALWAYS SAYS TO PUT THE FEAR OF GOD IN THEM....

WELL THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING BUT... MY NEIGHBOR CHELSEA HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA. I WAS GOING TO PUT IT IN ACTION WHEN HE WALKED HOME FROM SCHOOL BUT HE DIDN'T COME THROUGH OUR YARD TODAY NOT TO FEAR THERE IS ALWAYS TOMORROW. I WILL BE UP AND WAITING FOR HIM WHEN HE STARTS HIS WALK TO SCHOOL. SO HERE IS THE PLAN... I AM GOING TO APPROACH HIM AND TELL HIM THAT THE POLICE CAME BY TODAY TO ASK ME A FEW QUESTIONS BECAUSE ONE OF THE GIRLS PARENTS ARE SAYING SHE WAS RAPED. THEN I AM GOING TO TELL HIM THAT I GAVE THEM THE CONDOMS AND THAT THEY ARE TESTING FOR DNA. ALSO THAT I HAD TO TELL THEM WHO HAD THE KEY AND THAT THEY ARE GOING TO BE CALLING HIS PARENTS AT SOME POINT THIS WEEK. SINCE HIS PARENTS DIDNT CARE HE THREW A PARTY AT MY HOUSE MAYBE THEY WILL CARE IF THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THE POLICE. MORAL OF THE STORY DON'T BRING OTHER PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE AND DON'T HAVE SEX IN MY HOUSE.

AND THE STORY GETS DEEPER

SO... I WAS OUTSIDE TALKING TO MY NEIGHBOR CHELSEA... WHEN HER NEIGHBOR CAME OUT AND ASKED IF I HAD A PARTY THE OTHER NIGHT. SO I PROCEEDED TO TELL HER WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND THAT OUR NEIGHBOR HAD COME IN OUR HOUSE. WELL TURNS OUT THERE WERE SEVERAL PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE. ATLEAST TEN. SHE THEN TELLS ME THAT THEY HAD PARKED IN HER BACK YARD AND WALKED TO MY HOUSE SO NO ONE WOULD SEE THE CARS AT MY HOUSE. THE THOUGHT THAT MULTIPLE PEOPLE WERE HAVING SEX IN MY HOUSE, IN MY BED AND IN MY KIDS BEDS MAKES ME LIVID. IF I WERE HIS MOTHER HE WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER HERE APOLOGIZING AND SCRUBBING MY HOUSE DOWN. I AM ABOUT TO CALL THE POLICE AND SEE IF THERE IS ANYTHING I CAN DO SINCE HE HAD A KEY. I DOUBT IT BUT IT IS WORTH A SHOT.

WHOSE BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BEDDY BED BED

WELL WE FINALLY GET HOME FROM VACATION AND MUCH TO OUR DISMAY REALIZE OUR HOUSE WAS A PARTY HOUSE WHILE WE WERE GONE. OUR NEIGHBOR WHO IS FIFTEEN ALWAYS WATCHES OUR DOG FOR US WHILE WE ARE GONE. WE GIVE HIM A KEY SO THAT HE CAN LET HER IN AT NIGHT AND FEED HER. WE HAD NEVER HAD ANY PROBLEMS UNTIL NOW. WHEN WE GOT HOME HE CAME RUNNING OVER TO TELL US THAT HE HAD TURNED OUR HEAT ON FOR US. PHILLIP AND I BOTH THOUGHT WOW THAT WAS NICE OF HIM. WELL AFTER CLOSER EXAMINATION... I NOTICED A FEW THINGS OUT OF PLACE. FOR SOME REASON ALL THE LIGHT BULBS IN BELLE'S ROOM HAD BEEN UNSCREWED EXCEPT ONE, (WHY WOULD ANYONE HAVE A REASON TO BE IN MY DAUGHTER'S ROOM) MY BED HAD CLEARLY BEEN SLEPT IN AND REMADE (I AM OCD ABOUT MY BED AND HAD WASHED THE SHEETS BEFORE WE LEFT SO THAT I COULD COME HOME AND CLIMB IN A NICE CLEAN BED.), OUR FUTON HAD BEEN TURNED AROUND, AND THERE WAS A SWISHER SWEET ON THE FLOOR IN MY ROOM. WELL PHILLIP WAS FURIOUS SO WE DECIDED TO CALM DOWN BEFORE APPROACHING THE KID ABOUT IT. WELL TODAY WHEN I MOVED THE COUCH TO SWEEP I FOUND A BLACK AND MILD AND A CONDOM!!! IS HE KIDDING ME. SERIOUSLY IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF. THERE WERE MC DONALDS BAGS EVERYWHERE. NEEDLESS TO SAY I AM VERY LIVID AND HE WILL NOT BE WATCHING MY HOUSE AGAIN. OH AND I DON'T THINK I WILL BE PAYING HIM THIS TIME... ESPECIALLY SINCE HE USED MY HEAT ALL WEEK WHICH I HAD TURNED OFF TO SAVE MONEY.

VACATION 2010

DAY 1

WE LEFT HOME AT THREE A.M. MONDAY MORNING SO THAT THE KIDS WOULD SLEEP THROUGH MOST OF THE RIDE... WHICH WORKED WELL. ALTHOUGH WE DID HAVE A FEW SETBACKS. MY WONDERFUL TWO YEAR OLD SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GET BUBBLES AND I HEAR HIM SAY MOMMY I BLOW BUBBLES SO I WAS THINKING HE WAS BLOWING BUBBLES WITH HIS MOUTH SO I SAID "OK NATHAN HAVE FUN" THEN WHEN I TURNED AROUND I SAW HE REALLY HAD BUBBLES. (STILL NO CLUE WHERE THEY CAME FROM) WELL ONCE WE GOT TO BRANSON WE HEADED TO THE DINOSAUR MUSEUM MY HUSBAND AND NATHAN LOVE DINOSAURS. AFTER THE DINOSAURS AND LUNCH AT FUDRUCKERS WE HEADED TO THE WINERY FOR A FREE TASTING... WHILE ON THE LITTLE TOUR WE WENT INTO A ROOM WHERE THEY SHOWED US HOW THE WINE WAS BOTTLED AND ALL THAT. WELL THE MAN DOING THE DEMONSTRATION HAD ON A RED SHIRT AND HE HAD A REALLY LONG WHITE BEARD AS SOON AS WE WALKED IN NATHAN LOOKED AT ME AND EXCLAIMED, "LOOK MOMMY SANTA CLAUSE.) IT WAS TOO CUTE. AFTER THAT WE HEADED TO CHECK IN AT THE RESORT AND THEN BACK OUT TO DINNER AT SHORTY SMALL'S AND A QUICK TRIP DOWN TO BRANSON LANDING.

DAY 2

THE SECOND DAY WE WERE IN BRANSON WE WENT FOR A RIDE ON THE BRANSON SCENIC RAILROAD. BOTH THE BOYS LOVED IT. NATHAN KEPT SAYING "ALL ABOARD" AND JACOB JUST LOOKED AROUND IN AMAZEMENT. THEN WE WENT TO DENNYS FOR LUNCH AND OFF WE WENT FOR A RIDE ON THE BRANSON LANDING BOATS. THE BOATS WERE GORGEOUS. ONE OF THE LADIES JUST ADORED JACOB AND GRABBED HIM UP AND STARTED DANCING WITH HIM. THE BOAT RIDE WAS GORGEOUS. WE ALL LOVED IT. ONCE WE GOT BACK TO DRY LAND WE HEADED OUT FOR DINNER AT... (WELL I CAN'T REMEMBER RIGHT NOW). AFTER DINNER THOUGH WE WENT TO GET SOME CHOCOLATE AT THIS REALLY NEAT STORE WHERE SHE HAND PAINTS ALL HER CANDY. SHE WAS ACTUALLY IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING AN ORDER READY FOR THE GRAMMY'S.

DAY 3

TODAY WE TOOK A TOUR OF THE RESORT... THEY WANTED US TO BUY A TIME SHARE BUT WE JUST WANTED THE FREE GIFT. HEY WE GOT A HUNDRED DOLLARS. AFTER THAT WE WENT TO SPRINGFIELD TO THE ORIGINAL BASS PRO SHOPS. THEY ARE HUGE. WHEN WE GOT BACK TO THE RESORT NATHAN WAS BEGGING TO GO SWIMMING SO WE HEADED TO THE POOL. WHEN WE GOT THERE HE GOT SCARED BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE. SO... BACK OUT OF THE POOL AND OFF TO THE OTHER SHORTY SMALLS FOR DINNER ON THE LAKE. WHEN WE WERE LEAVING DINNER THE BOAT WE HAD RODE THEY DAY BEFORE WAS ON TOUR AND JACOB'S DANCING PARTNER NOTICED US AND CAME OUT WAVING AND ASKING HOW HER LITTLE BUDDY WAS. I THOUGHT IT WAS SWEET SHE REMEMBERED HIM. WELL AFTER THAT DADDY WANTED SOME MARBLE SLAB AND MOMMY WANTED TO SHOP. (I GOT SOME GREAT DEALS AT KIRKLANDS.)

DAY 4

WE WENT TO THE FISH HATCHERY THAT MORNING AND THEN SHOPPING THAT AFTERNOON. NOTHING TOO EXCITING. ALTHOUGH WE DID EAT LUNCH AT THIS PLACE WHERE THEY THROW YOUR ROLLS AT YOU. THAT NIGHT WE WENT TO DINNER AT RUBY TUESDAYS AND RAN INTO KEN HAGAN WHO IS A FAMOUS PREACHER. WE STARTED TALKING BEFORE WE KNEW WHO HE REALLY WAS, ABOUT HOW WE HAVE BEEN HELPING WITH A CHURCH PLANT AND HE MENTIONED THAT HE HAD DONE THAT. BY THE TIME WE GOT UP TO LEAVE WE HAD FOUND OUT ALOT ABOUT HIM... (AND EVEN THOUGH WE MAY NOT AGREE WITH SOME OF HIS BELIEFS 100% HE WAS A NICE GUY). WHEN PHILLIP WENT TO SHAKE HIS HAND HE HANDED HIM A HUNDRED DOLLARS. OF COURSE PHILLIP TRIED TO GIVE IT BACK BUT HE INSISTED. (JUST SO YOU KNOW WE ARE TITHING THIS MONEY... WE WOULD FEEL BAD KEEPING IT). THAT NIGHT WE WENT TO BED EARLY!!!

DAY FIVE

TODAY WE GOT UP AND HEADED OUT WE STAYED IN DALLAS OVERNIGHT BECAUSE WE HAD TO BE IN BELTON THE NEXT DAY AND IT WAS EASIER TO GO TO DALLAS INSTEAD OF GOING ALL THE WAY HOME AND THEN GOING BACK TO BELTON. ANYWAY WE GOT TO GO TO IKEA SO THAT WAS EXCITING AND WE GOT TO HANG OUT IN THE SUPER COOL HOTEL ROOM AND EAT PIZZA. FOR SIXTY FIVE DOLLARS WE GOT AN AWESOME ROOM AT THE ALOFT.

DAY SIX

WE GOT UP AND HEADED TO BELTON FOR LEWIS' FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY.

FINALLY WE WERE HOME!!! GREAT TRIP BUT GREAT TO BE HOME ALTHOUGH WE HAD SOME NOT SO LOVELY SURPRISES WAITING AT HOME.

THE REASON I COUPON

TODAY I DID MY WALGREENS AND CVS SHOPPING AND I GOT...

4 NESTLE CRUNCH BARS
1 CRUNCH CRISP
1 HERSHEYS BLISS
6 GATORADES (32 OZ)
5 DAYQUILS AND NYQUILS (6 OZ)
2 CREST (6 OZ)
2 JOHNSON BUDDIES BATH SOAPS
2 SWIFFER SWEEPERS
2 SWIFFER SWEEPER REFILLS (16 COUNT)
2 TIDE STAIN RELEASE TABS (10 COUNT)
2 TIDE STAIN RELEASE LIQUIDS (20 OZ)
1 BAN DEODERANT (2.6 OZ)
1 CARAMEL
4 ORAL B TOOTHBRUSHES
1 GILLETE BODYWASH (12 OZ)
6 REACH TOOTHBRUSHES
1 GILLETE DEODERANT (4 OZ)
1 SURE DEODERANT (2.6 OZ)
2 DAWN DISH SOAPS
3 LISTERENE MOUTHWASH (8.5 OZ)
2 COLGATE TOOTHPASTES (4.2 OZ)

ALL THIS FOR $24.72 NOT BAD. ESPECIALLY SINCE I WILL USE OR DONATE ALL OF IT. I AM ESPECIALLY HAPPY ABOUT THE TIDE. IT WORKS AWESOME.

BREAKFAST IN BED...?

WELL THIS MORNING MY KIDS WOKE UP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN AS USUAL WHICH IS REALLY LOVELY SEEING AS HOW I WOKE UP WITH A SORE THROAT. ANYWAY. THE BOYS GO TO THE LIVING ROOM TO WATCH CARTOONS WHILE I FEED BELLE AND MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND GOES BACK TO SLEEP. AFTER A FEW MINUTES NATHAN COMES IN AND SAYS "HERE MOMMY BREAKFAST." HE HAD BROUGHT ME A RAW HAMBURGER PATTY (I HAD PULLED THEM OUT LAST NIGHT TO THAW FOR LUNCH TODAY) ON HIS FAVORITE ELMO PLATE AND A BIG SERVING SPOON TO EAT IT WITH. AFTER MAKING SURE JACOB WASN'T EATING THE OTHER HALF OF THE MEAT WHICH WAS ON THE FLOOR IN THE KITCHEN I LAUGHED BECAUSE IT WAS SO CUTE AND SO SWEET. WHAT A WONDERFUL KID.